Inspired by a movie

So, I went to a movie today with my mom and sister Megan. We met in Hermiston and watched "Julie and Julia" and it has inspired me to start a blog. I am not sure why I feel like doing this right now except I want to have a way to write down my thoughts and daily life and learn to live day by day (as you can tell by the name of my blog.) I do not expect anyone to read this or to comment on it. Mostly I am going to use this a a therapeutic way to live day by day. So starting to day I am going to try to write at least once a week, though if the week is boring then I might not.

So A little about me. My name is Laurie and I was born in Spokane Washington and then raised in Pendleton Oregon, which will always be HOME. I graduated from PHS in 2003 and then attended BYU Provo for about 2 and half years. I enjoyed my time there, but felt that I needed to make a change. I then served a mission for the church in Dallas Texas Spanish Speaking. I loved my experiences there and would be more than happy to talk about the wonderful people in Texas. I was only on a mission for 10 months, when I needed to come home in order to get my depression under control. It was a hard decision to make, but I know I made it with the Lord and that it was the best choice for me. Though, I will always miss Texas! Upon returning home, I decided I needed to work for a while to save money and I was hired as a phlebotimist (aka Vampire) and Lab assistant at Interpath Lab. I loved my time there! I was planning to attend BYU Idaho, but my plans changed when I met John.

John and I met online and soon began dating and got married in December in Portland. Things were very hard for us and unfortunately, I was trying to make things work alone, and it became too much for me. About a month ago, I made the decision, with the Lord, that I needed to leave. It has been a very hard thing, because I do care for John, but I deserve happiness and a partner who is willing to work with me to reach our goals, and I did not have that. Our finances were a mess, as I was the only one working, and money was being spent on a variety of activities, that I felt were unnecessary expenditures, and we were falling further and further into debt. When I voiced my concerns about money and work and addictive habits, I was met with lots of yelling and making me feel horrible about myself, and often I would crumble and beg for forgiveness, when I hadn't done anything wrong. I hated having him be mad at me, and would try to do anything to make him happy. I was lying to myself that things were ok and I was hiding things from my family, because I was afraid they would think I had made a mistake.

So now I am back in the Tri Cities and was able to get my job back at Interpath Lab. I do not know what lies in my future. I do not know which path I should take. I know that I have made the right choice in getting divorced but I am scared to death about what my life holds in store for me. My life has taken me down a path that I never imagined being in. I don't know why things are the way they are but I do know that I can learn from this and become a better person. I can become the person that Heavenly Father knows me to be. I struggle daily with this huge change in my life, but I am trying to increase my faith and trust in the Lord more. I have been blessed with such a wonderful family who are so supportive of me and my choices. What a blessing! My parents are helping me figure out the divorce papers and helping me get my finances back where they should be. I have amazing brother and sister in law who are allowing me to stay with them in their home, until I am able to afford a place of my own. I have a wonderful sister and brother in law who, after cleaning out there storage area, filled the space back up with my stuff. I have a little sister who helps me remember to be happy and reminds me that I have good support. I also have many friends who are helping me remember that I am a good person, no matter what might have been told to me. I know that the Lord is pouring out his blessings richly upon me. I don't know if I deserve them all, but I want to qualify myself for them.

I want to try and include a quote, or song lyrics, or scripture passage that touches me each week. Lately I have really been into the music from "Wicked." I want to go see this musical someday, but for now i settle for the music. There is one song that really stands out to me, and I blast it in my car on the way to work each morning singing at the top of my lungs. It is called "Defying Gravity." Elephaba, who becomes the Wicked Witch of the West, has discovered that you have to stand up for what you believe in, even when others around you might think you are stupid, or it is unpopular, or they just don't understand. The lyrics of this song teach me to you don't have to follow a prescribed path, just because its the norm. Sometimes our path takes us in ways we never imagined, but if we stand tall and defy gravity, no one can bring you down. Here are the lyrics:

"Defying Gravity"
music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by

The rules of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes

And leap...

It's time to try defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

And you can't pull me down

I'm through accepting limits

Cuz someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try I'll never know

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing love I guess I've lost

Well if that's love

It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down!

So if you care to find me

Look to the Western sky

As someone told me lately

Everyone deserves the chance to fly

And if I'm flying solo

At least I'm flying free

To those who ground me

Take a message back from me!
Tell them how I am defying gravity

I'm flying high, defying gravity

And soon I'll match them in renown

And nobody in all of Oz

No Wizard that there is or was

Is ever gonna bring me down!!

I love the phrase "And if I am flying solo, at least I am flying free" That is the way I feel right now. I maybe be on my own again, but I am free to be happy. I am not trapped the way I was feeling. I know that times maybe hard, but as I live day by day I will be greatly blessed, and I will never really be solo because I will have a loving Father on my side.....

So that was a really long blog, but I feel like I needed to say all of that. So there ya go! All because I went to a movie with Mom and Megan!