Lessons Learned in Salt Lake City

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lately I have seen the Lord blessing me with the remembrance that He loves me and knows me personally. I struggle with the fact that I am not married. I want to have a family so much. He knows this, and he has placed little blessing in my life here and there to remind me that things are done in his timing. He wants me to be happy with my life now, as it is and to be grateful for the blessing I do have. I have become aware of this desire for me in the last few days and want to write down so of the ways he has made this known to me. I hope to add to this as I continue to find this as my answer and hopefully I will learn to be happy in the now and stop waiting for what may never come in this life. J

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sister Kristen Oaks, CES Fireside, September 11, 2011

Sister Oaks is the wife of Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. She was not married until she was in her fifties. She joined her husband in speaking at this CES Fireside and her talk was very important to me. She talked about how she was the poster child for single adults because of her many years as one. She had some great insights. I will just type what notes I took from that meeting.

~First she quoted a talk by Sister Margaret D. Nadauld about women the world needs and included men into it as well. Here is the quote: “The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.” I love this quote. It is something I need to work on being more of what the world needs.

Then she made some a number of points:

1. The Lord loves us, answers our prayers, delights to bless those who keep the commandments…IN HIS TIME~

~Everyday it is important! Be your best!

~Worry less about marriage, and more about becoming a disciple of Christ.

2. Not saved in isolation

~life is not just about ME

3. Become best disciple of Christ I can be!

~If you cannot handle single life, you will not be able to handle married life

4. Learn to Recognize the Holy Ghost

~Don’t allow waiting for marriage to waste your time. Go Forward!

5. Remain Active Member of the Church

~We are not alone, the Lord is with us!

~Wow! I needed this talk so badly! I worry too much. I need to be happy with my circumstances/situation~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FORGET NOT

President Uchtdorf

Forget Not!

1) Forget not to be patient with yourself

a. God knows you and I are not perfect and he also know that the people you THINK are perfect are not, yet we spend so much time comparing our weakness to others strengths. We make expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet and we forget to celebrate our good efforts. Everyone has strengths and everyone has weakness.

b. Part of mortal experience that you have weaknesses

c. God wants to help us turn our weakness into strengths but knows this is a LONG process. And one day we will be perfect.

d. Keep working at improving, but quit punishing yourself for not being perfect! Please be compassionate and patient with yourself

e. Be thankful for all the small successes in your life. These successes may be tiny to you and may go unnoticed by others but God notices and they are not small to him!

2) Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice

a. Am I committing my time and energy to the things that matter most?

b. Sacrifice something good for something far greater in an eternal prospective

3) Forget not to be happy now!

a. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

b. We desperately long to find the golden ticket and we forget the simple joy we used to find in the candy bar. IF it doesn’t contain a golden ticket then the candy bar is a disappointment.

c. We should have righteous yearnings. The problem is when we put our happiness on hold waiting for a future event.

d. Never stop hoping, but don’t close your eyes to the simple and elegance of each days blessings. The happiest people are those who pursue worthy goals but love and enjoy the everyday blessings. They sew thread by thread.

4) Forget not the why of the gospel

a. Sometimes we see the gospel as a long list of tasks.

b. The gospel is not an obligation

c. It’s the pathway towards peace in this life and glory in the life to come from our Heavenly Father.

5) Forget not that the Lord loves you.

a. “As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-nots, I sometimes felt a little like that flower—small and insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by my Heavenly Father. Years later I can look back on that young boy with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now—I was never forgotten. And I know something else: as an Apostle of our Master, Jesus Christ, I proclaim with all the certainty and conviction of my heart—neither are you! You are not forgotten.”

b. No matter how dark your days may seem or insignificant you may feel or how overshadowed you may feel, he has not forgotten! You and known and remembered by the most powerful, majestic, glorious being in the UNIVERSE!

c. He loves you because you are his child even though you may feel lonely and make mistakes. Allow his love into your life and it can heal and dress any wound or hurt and soften any sorrow. You are closer to heaven then you suppose!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a really neat experience this past week that continues to prove to me that the Lord is very aware of me and that He knows and loves me so much. I got a new assignment in the Conference Center or work cleaning mostly offices. As I clean I notice all the family pictures and wedding pictures and it has made me a little depressed that I don’t have my pw n family or husband. It made me question Heavenly Father and ask him why I am still single. The next day I went to my classes and I was sitting in my keyboarding class. My teacher was going over instructing us about typing and right in the middle of the instruction she stopped. She looked at us and said she didn’t know why she was going to say this but that she felt someone in the room needed to hear it. She said…you are loved. Your Father in Heaven loves you and knows what you are going through day by day. She said…sometimes life doesn’t go the way that you expected. She had expected to have gotten married when she was in her 20s. She didn’t get married until she was 40. Heavenly Father has a plan for us and we may not always understand it but it is perfect and he loves us. This was a tender mercy to me. She didn’t have to stop her instruction to say that. She could have just ignored the impressions that she was having, but she chose to stop, even risking us not finishing all that we needed, in order to say that because she felt that it needed to be said. It was for me! Heavenly Father knew I was wondering why and he used my sweet teacher to remind me that He is so mindful of me. He loves me so much. He knows I want to be married and have a family, but he also knows that I need to learn some things and that his timing is perfect. I am so grateful for this experience. What a blessing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inspired by a movie

So, I went to a movie today with my mom and sister Megan. We met in Hermiston and watched "Julie and Julia" and it has inspired me to start a blog. I am not sure why I feel like doing this right now except I want to have a way to write down my thoughts and daily life and learn to live day by day (as you can tell by the name of my blog.) I do not expect anyone to read this or to comment on it. Mostly I am going to use this a a therapeutic way to live day by day. So starting to day I am going to try to write at least once a week, though if the week is boring then I might not.

So A little about me. My name is Laurie and I was born in Spokane Washington and then raised in Pendleton Oregon, which will always be HOME. I graduated from PHS in 2003 and then attended BYU Provo for about 2 and half years. I enjoyed my time there, but felt that I needed to make a change. I then served a mission for the church in Dallas Texas Spanish Speaking. I loved my experiences there and would be more than happy to talk about the wonderful people in Texas. I was only on a mission for 10 months, when I needed to come home in order to get my depression under control. It was a hard decision to make, but I know I made it with the Lord and that it was the best choice for me. Though, I will always miss Texas! Upon returning home, I decided I needed to work for a while to save money and I was hired as a phlebotimist (aka Vampire) and Lab assistant at Interpath Lab. I loved my time there! I was planning to attend BYU Idaho, but my plans changed when I met John.

John and I met online and soon began dating and got married in December in Portland. Things were very hard for us and unfortunately, I was trying to make things work alone, and it became too much for me. About a month ago, I made the decision, with the Lord, that I needed to leave. It has been a very hard thing, because I do care for John, but I deserve happiness and a partner who is willing to work with me to reach our goals, and I did not have that. Our finances were a mess, as I was the only one working, and money was being spent on a variety of activities, that I felt were unnecessary expenditures, and we were falling further and further into debt. When I voiced my concerns about money and work and addictive habits, I was met with lots of yelling and making me feel horrible about myself, and often I would crumble and beg for forgiveness, when I hadn't done anything wrong. I hated having him be mad at me, and would try to do anything to make him happy. I was lying to myself that things were ok and I was hiding things from my family, because I was afraid they would think I had made a mistake.

So now I am back in the Tri Cities and was able to get my job back at Interpath Lab. I do not know what lies in my future. I do not know which path I should take. I know that I have made the right choice in getting divorced but I am scared to death about what my life holds in store for me. My life has taken me down a path that I never imagined being in. I don't know why things are the way they are but I do know that I can learn from this and become a better person. I can become the person that Heavenly Father knows me to be. I struggle daily with this huge change in my life, but I am trying to increase my faith and trust in the Lord more. I have been blessed with such a wonderful family who are so supportive of me and my choices. What a blessing! My parents are helping me figure out the divorce papers and helping me get my finances back where they should be. I have amazing brother and sister in law who are allowing me to stay with them in their home, until I am able to afford a place of my own. I have a wonderful sister and brother in law who, after cleaning out there storage area, filled the space back up with my stuff. I have a little sister who helps me remember to be happy and reminds me that I have good support. I also have many friends who are helping me remember that I am a good person, no matter what might have been told to me. I know that the Lord is pouring out his blessings richly upon me. I don't know if I deserve them all, but I want to qualify myself for them.

I want to try and include a quote, or song lyrics, or scripture passage that touches me each week. Lately I have really been into the music from "Wicked." I want to go see this musical someday, but for now i settle for the music. There is one song that really stands out to me, and I blast it in my car on the way to work each morning singing at the top of my lungs. It is called "Defying Gravity." Elephaba, who becomes the Wicked Witch of the West, has discovered that you have to stand up for what you believe in, even when others around you might think you are stupid, or it is unpopular, or they just don't understand. The lyrics of this song teach me to you don't have to follow a prescribed path, just because its the norm. Sometimes our path takes us in ways we never imagined, but if we stand tall and defy gravity, no one can bring you down. Here are the lyrics:

"Defying Gravity"
music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by

The rules of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes

And leap...

It's time to try defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

And you can't pull me down

I'm through accepting limits

Cuz someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try I'll never know

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing love I guess I've lost

Well if that's love

It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down!

So if you care to find me

Look to the Western sky

As someone told me lately

Everyone deserves the chance to fly

And if I'm flying solo

At least I'm flying free

To those who ground me

Take a message back from me!
Tell them how I am defying gravity

I'm flying high, defying gravity

And soon I'll match them in renown

And nobody in all of Oz

No Wizard that there is or was

Is ever gonna bring me down!!

I love the phrase "And if I am flying solo, at least I am flying free" That is the way I feel right now. I maybe be on my own again, but I am free to be happy. I am not trapped the way I was feeling. I know that times maybe hard, but as I live day by day I will be greatly blessed, and I will never really be solo because I will have a loving Father on my side.....

So that was a really long blog, but I feel like I needed to say all of that. So there ya go! All because I went to a movie with Mom and Megan!